Come to the woods, for here is rest. There is no repose like that of the green deep woods. Here grow the wallflower and the violet. The squirrel will come and sit upon your knee, the log cock will wake you in the morning. Sleep in forgetfulness of all ill. Of all the upness accessible to mortals, there is no upness comparable to the mountains. - John M

my brain is spliting...throat is burning...just woke up but i think going to bed again is the only right think i should do now....i saw my msn windows..some messages from friend..one guy told me to drink more chicken soup..and thank you:D..though no one will make me one cuz we dont have a kitchen..and the chicken flu horror...still thank you...now i am learning happiness and love through suffering..

the basic assumption behind buddism is suffering, the Buddha taught that each individual has the power to overcome suffering, although all the world views try to offer comfort to their constituents through supernatural solutions, buddhism is quite different, in its traditional form, it holds that our salvation from suffering lies only in our own efforts. The buddha taught us that only in understanding how we create suffering for ourselves can we become free.

birth is suffering, aging is suffering, illness is suffering, worry, misery, pain, distress and despair are suffering; not attaining what one desires is suffering. buddha is not pessimistic; he was in fact, concerned with the cessation of suffering , so he strove to help others by teaching them to identify the causes of their suffering.

now my cold is suffering too..i know how important health is by being through all these tortuing feeling..the head..the throat..the nose..the sour in my eyes..and the whole body..friends are important when you are sick..my roommates just shouted at me "for god's sake go to bed!!...dont dwell online any more.."..and i am saying"..got it got it..".with a little unpatience...but i am enjoying this bitter sweet blame..haha...

so many things havent been finished...now i have to give up everything..and head to bed..and sleep til tomorrow afternoon..i just log off my msn and log in again so every body could see my inscription of being sick and dont bother me any more..but more people said hi...funny...i am leaving anyway..

thanks Mr Brown..i just want to cam with u..and u are the only one i trust when i am sick..people are vulnerable and sensitive when being sick..now u see my horrible look. the messd up hair..and big big coat..bit red cheek and a miserable loooking face..well..it is just the outside..not the inside...Mr Brown..thank you so much for telling me that i still look pretty and even toasty like that...very sweet words:P...ok....gonna go now..cough and sneeze...gonna have a good sleep...

peaze:D

test post..see if it works..:P
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Dear friend:

The thing I am going to tell u is all from my heart. Except love, you must find something that can make you stand up straight. You must find way to survive. Now it is not too early to consider this. I never think diploma is important, but without it you cant even have the chance.

You must change your floating and sensitive thoughts into clear and simple words. The extravagance and braveness can not sustain long, you know, giving words large charge is not enough, what really matter are the content, the thought, the setting, the soul, the spirit and the wisdom. Don’t read the works of those of the same style as you have. Trivialness, moaning is not a necessity of life. Do not write without thinking. Don’t cry over the small goo.

Friend, I want you to believe in warmness, happiness, trustworthiness, dignity, being strong those old words. I don’t want to see you be rebellious, vacuous, lost and harm yourself and the others. I don’t want to see you handle your life in a mess. Reserve your emotions. Not everyone is worth your attention. Enjoying life is one thing but it is not an excuse to indulgent yourself. It is not cool to being called “cool”, the real cool is from the heart the inside. As long as you have the strong power inside, no matter how long the time is, your belief is as unremitting as it used to be.

 Do not say I love the world only because now you are in the campus where you think is a pure and honest world. Say it after you go to the real society and after having seen all the darkness of the society.

 Friend I want you to love, to live. Life is soo short and don’t complain the flying time. Sometimes you can stop and have a rest but not stop and look around. When you start a road, stick to it and keep walking, do not look back.

Ask yourself what you are doing recently.

 Cry wildly when you feel sad. Wash your face later and give a smile to your self. Forever believe you have a dream. Stop and watch the sky, also remember to see what is underneath.

Any time, any one ask you how many relationship you have, the answer is twice. For one time he loved me but I did not love him. But the other time I loved him but he did not love me. Always believe the next relationship will be much better.

Don’t give the same man 2 chances of hurting you. Don’t believe the promise man makes on bed. Don’t be ashamed of having desire, enjoy it but never give man the chance to insult and neglect you. Believe me the the number of good man is much more than the number of 3-legs frogs.

Don’t say “love” easily, believe in your instinct. Don’t have affair with those in relationships unless you love him very very much and he is worth your love very very much. Don’t go out with someone think you are similar with their mothers or sisters or ex girlfriends. Don’t go out with naïve men, don’t go out with literature men and mid-age men. If a man try to get u by hurting himself, then don’t believe him because the next hurt might be on urself.

 Observe the friends of the man u are going out with, see how their friends treat women. Never go out with someone who is not willing to introduce his circle to you.

When a man is only willing to call you “honey”, ask him to call ur name.

 If a man never come to you, don’t go to him. Don’t believe in those play tricks in relationships.

Don’t curse when breaking up but learn the lesson, don’t regret cuz that does not work. Don’t rip all the pictures and love letters and the diary, the things which only the characters in rubbish tv soup opera do.

Believe in true love, always bear the idea that ur mr.right is always there waiting for you, unmarried, and he is looking for you among the crowd. Don’t say something like “ no man is good”, people would think you might have a lot of experiences.

Promise me don’t be those girls go to one mans house in the midnight and then another.

Love material but in a proper way. Always think the spirit is more important. Watches of famous brand and all the fashion stuff are beautiful but what is the more beautiful is yourself.

Never look down upon the working class, don’t look down upon working. The earth, the sweat is not smelly. Respect those who live in a lower life level than you do, because in other word this is respect yourself. Always care for those people because they might be one of our relatives. We are not noble.

Every penny is precious, try to earn it and you will know.

 Never doubt friendship even your friends hurt you, but be aware of those who have betrayed you. Forgive but not forget. Be “childish” to your friends sometimes. Be happy be open minded be perseverant be kind. This has nothing to do with personaility.

Sometimes you have to be tough especially when someone try to take advantage of you. If so, fight and get it back. But don’t hold the grudge, just let them go, and left your elegance on them.

Learn to forgive the world and yourself, tell yourself, you deserve the best!!!!!!

this is the assignment i have to turn in last week..the teacher asked us to write someone familiar..so i wrote the story of my grandpa..he is already passed away..10 years ago..today..i posted it here..to let u know the sporadic memories between me and him...(this article got an "A+")*^^*

 

我的外祖父姓庄，全名庄业兴，如果十年前的那场心脏病他能挺过，今年应该已经七十八岁高龄了。外公原本不姓庄，是后来加入共产党革命以后，地下党给起的名字。用着用着连原来的名字都不记得了。他十几岁就当了兵，赶上了抗日战争的末尾和解放战争，还有后面的抗美援朝，从死人堆里爬出来无数回。上甘岭战役的时候，大冬天，穿得单棉衣，一个团的人第二天起来就只剩下外公和另外一个战士活着，别的人都冻死了。外公经常和我说起当年打仗的情景，每次陪他看电影《大决战》百万雄师过大江的场景，外公总是激动地指着竹筏上的某个战士说那就是自己。由于打仗勇敢，立了不少战功，外公一路从战士变成了班长、排长、连长、营长、团长。军功章集了满满一盒。外公说要找一天把每一个军功章的故事都告诉我，可是没有等到那个机会他就过世了。

外公当上团长的时候中国就解放了。他的祖籍在江苏，但是军队驻扎在浙江，他的根也就落在了浙江，在这里他认识了外婆，一个20岁的余姚姑娘，大家闺秀和军人的结合在那个时候是最完美的。后来被分配到了海运公司，军人的天性始终无法割舍，只会冲锋陷阵，不会逢迎拍马，升到一个小官就再也升不上去了。单位给外公分了一个小套间，家里添了三个孩子，略显局促。照理说按他的级别，可以享受更好的待遇，可是他总是把机会让给别人，外婆怪过他，他说，战争里过来的人，活着就是福了，哪里还有那么多要求，想想死去的弟兄，也就知足了。

我见过外公年轻时候的照片，非常的英俊。极其清晰的轮廓，四方脸，浓眉大眼，嘴角收着，有点像京剧里人物的亮相。除了皱纹和点点老斑，其实他的长相其实到老都没有怎么变，只是多了一个啤酒肚。到了夏天，外公会拍着自己的肚子，摇着蒲扇，躺在老凉席上，让我猜他肚子里是什么。他总是说里面是一个弟弟。我是家里的第一个外孙女。妈妈说，外公一直想要一个男孩，她怀孕的时候外公就夸下海口说只要是男孩就归他养。戏剧性的是，医生已开始把我的性别搞错了，报的是男孩，后来就发现不对，是个女的。可以想象外公当时的失望，虽然后来他还是最疼爱我，我也不觉得女孩又什么不好，可是我还是总觉得挺对不起他的。可惜，这一幕重复了三次，他的三个孩子最后都生了女儿，所以他报外孙的希望算是破灭了。

外公给我留下的记忆是片断的。听说他年轻的时候脾气火爆，舅舅老和我说他当年逃课被外公用皮带拴在门上拿鞋底抽，听得我直哆嗦。印象中外公从没有对我发过脾气，只记得又一次，很小的事情，我去一个姑姑打工的小卖部玩，走的时候姑姑给了我一块印有蓝精灵的橡皮。回到家，外公看见了，问我：

“橡皮是哪里来的？”

“去姑姑店里，姑姑给的”。

“付钱了没？”

“没有”。

“没有就给我送回去！”

虽然知道不能和外公拧，但是我还是很委屈得把橡皮送了回去。后来妈妈和我说，姑姑刚从农村来城里打工，我去她的店，她总是会从柜台里拿一样东西，给我当礼物，虽然价钱不多，也不是白拿，但是外公说这种习惯不好，公家的和自己的东西一定要分清楚。

另外一个片断，是在89年台风的时候。当时全家都去抗台了，只有我一个人在家，晚上，没有电，外公陪着我。当时非常害怕，一切黑漆漆的，父母不再身边，我也不知道台风到底是什么，只记得一楼阳台里多年的葡萄架被连根吹起，记得马路上的玻璃和树枝摔得嘣嘣作响，马路上一片狼藉。外公躺在我的身边，和我说，台风是天上的一个魔鬼，人越是怕他，他就越是凶狠，要敢指着天说，“老子不怕你”，他就会被吓跑。于是我和外公一起冲着阳台外漆黑的天空，拿起我那可以调各种声音的电动手枪，冲着天“射击”，大声喊着“老子不怕你”。那一幕成为我永远的记忆，在后来成长的日子里，我也经常在内心里这样喊着，驱散心中的恐惧。

记忆中，外公从不夸奖我。但是有一次，我刚去学手风琴回到他家，他正好要出去会老战友，就顺道把我也带了出去，连同我的手风琴。后来他的战友看见我，都要让我表演，我就拉了几个曲子，正赶上我练的是《红星闪闪》。结果那些战友特别高兴，回家的时候，除了外公那骄傲的表情，我们还捧了几个大西瓜，都是那些战友送的。后来这件事被传开了，每每有老战友见到我，都要我表演，而外公也总是骄傲得让他们把西瓜准备好。

夏天的时候我经常去外公家玩，他的凉席年头比较久，特别的凉快，还有一个特别的竹片枕头，常被我当成婴儿床来玩。我总是和外公并排并躺在那张凉席上，或者爬起来把耳朵凑到他的肚子上，说要和小弟弟说话。外公会抱着我，感觉特别温暖，当时不知是不是预感，我真希望能经常被外公抱着。可是不多久外公就心脏病住进了医院。

他在医院的时候我去看过他两次，同屋的病友都挺喜欢这个老革命的。经常一起下棋，说笑。最后一次去看他的时候，他嘱咐我要好好学习，好好练琴。穿着蓝白相间的病号服，外公的脸略有些浮肿，我从没有想过他会那么快离开我。

那是一个周日，我去妈妈单位，一个电话打来，匆忙上了一辆同事的摩托车，我们来到了医院。路上，从妈妈的表情和电话里的声音，我猜出是外公有事了。冲到病房，看见外公吸着氧气，闭着眼睛，嘴巴一张一合，似乎想呼吸却徒劳，突然觉得那么凄凉和无助。我被吓住了，冲出病房，不敢再多看一眼。当时是在9楼，我跑到楼梯口，跨着5级台阶往下蹦，说只要我蹦过去了，外公就一定没有事，口中念念有词得说着“老天保佑”。我从9层蹦到一层，又大踏步地爬回9层，可是看见的是妈妈的泪水。妈妈抱着我，在旁边的房间里等着，隔壁突然传来一阵哭声，我知道外公走了。

现在已经整整十年过去了，这十年里，每一年的清明我都去外公墓上，向他汇报我所有的成绩。记得我来北京上大学前的清明，我把通知书给外公烧了一份，告诉他虽然琴已经不再练，但是我依然会听他的话，好好学习，变得有出息。

today...after 5 hours of surfing on internet..i think i kinda hav the idea of what "emo"is....hehe..

here are some website of definition and the emo fashion..check them out...

1.urban dictionary:this is a funny website defind every new come word..very nice

emo boy

2.how to dress emo

3.Aldroid's emo fashion:this is a shop selling emo clothes..he is not an authority though..

4.the emo couple and their principle..